What the Eff? The Four F’s of Trauma (and DIY) - Part One
Updated: Jun 6
(Warning: This post obviously contains potential triggers. This article is for information only and not a replacement for therapy.)
"Just My Childhood"
The word “trauma” is so watered down that it could mean anything from an inconvenience to a bad hair day. On the other hand, I've heard stories of extreme trauma that clients shrug off as, "just my childhood."
Here, I am using a clinical definition of trauma:
"Trauma is the normal reaction to an abnormal situation.”
When your emotions get hijacked and you over respond to the event, it is a “trauma response.” Something in the present reminds you of unprocessed traumatic material. You may know this is happening or not.
Part One of this blog will discuss the Four F’s of Trauma Responses. Part Two will break down what they look like in real life. Part Three will give you some tools to handle trauma responses — the DIY.
More Than Fireworks and Flashbacks
Many people think that trauma responses are “fireworks and flashbacks” — a person hears a car backfiring (which they rarely do anymore), or fireworks, (I used this exact example in this blog), and then has flashbacks. Sure, maybe. But triggers could also be ordinary, at least to us. A friend told me he was triggered by walking through a hayfield. One client was triggered by blue curtains. These triggers are just as powerful as “fireworks and flashbacks.”
There are four widely believed trauma responses to triggers:
1.Fight: This is when the person decides to handle the situation through aggression. It might look like clenched fists, puffing up, clenched jaw, crying, yelling, feelings of rage and/or burning face or stomach.
2. Flight: This is when the person handles the situation by running away. This might look like by being fidgety, shallow breathing, looking around for an escape, and thoughts of running away.
3. Freeze: This is handling the trigger through dissociation. It feels like being stuck, heavy, spacing out, feeling cold, decreased heart rate, and shallow breathing.
4. Fawn: This is trying to handle the situation by people pleasing. This is ignoring your needs and over-apologizing, flattering the other person, overcompensation, not saying no and pretending to agree.
Bottom line: People with trauma are not being dramatic, they are suffering. Understanding triggers and the Four F’s of trauma responses will help us with healing ourselves and our loved ones.
One note here: Often my clients have lived with triggers so long, they feel crazy. And, the people in their lives might have reinforced the idea of their “craziness,” (instead validating that they are having trauma triggers).
Without understanding your trauma triggers and trauma responses, you could accidentally retraumatize yourself.
For example, a woman who has been sexually assaulted might be triggered by television shows about women being sexually assaulted. Family members might say, “Why are you SO sensitive?” causing her to feel crazy and emotional.
Knowing the Four F’s and her triggers could aid in her healing.
If trauma responses could be ordinary events and not “Fireworks and flashbacks,” what would they look like in everyday life? Especially for a healthy person?
Could a person who has done 10,000 years of therapy still get triggered? Would you need to restart therapy?
Great questions! All will be answered in the next blog, “What the Eff? The Four F’s of Trauma and DIY, Part Two.”
Do you have other questions for me, about this or any other conflict and trauma-related question?
Do you have a question for a future blog? Post it below or email me at: tara@conquerconflict.com
See you next week.
***************************************************************************
Click here for Conquer Conflict tools in your inbox. I won't spam up your in-box or be boring to read.
I love questions and comments. I answer everything myself (my cats lay around like it's a resort or something). My email address is tara@conquerconflict.com
___________________________
Comments