Why Conflict Freaks You Out and What to Do About It (Part Two)

Are You Freaked Out?

In Part One of this blog, I reviewed why conflict might freak you out.

(If you are one of those people who is comfortable with conflict, take a gold star. Yay for you! If you are a Boat Rocker, check this out.)

For most of us mere mortals, conflict can be tough because we are a tribal people who are wired to get along to survive. But instead of avoiding conflict or exploding like an Icelandic volcano (on my bucket list to see, TBH), you need strategies.

And you have come to the right place. I got ya'!

I Used to Struggle

I used to struggle with assertiveness and conflict resolution. They are skills, and you will pick up the skill set of the people of those around you. Someone told me his family has a "generational curse of anger." Um, nooooooo... You are not off of the hook. You just need new skills.

Believe me, if I can learn them, you can too. Here's what you need:

Drumroll:

1.Handle Your Trauma. Yes, I know you think you are fine, but I saw you exploding when the cashier squashed your bread. What's the deal? And the road rage? Or, and when the boss called on you during a meeting and you mumbled, "Nothing, it's fine." Do you have trauma that affects your ability to deal with conflict? (Read this blog to learn more about trauma.)

Trauma counseling is more than venting (nice try). You should see a professional. If you can't afford it, NAMI has great support groups by a trained professional.

2. Level Up Your Communication. Yes, yes, yes, everyone thinks they amazing communicators, then they start talking over me. Communication is so much more than listening. When I taught college, there was one whole semester on communication for beginning counselors. We all can work on communication. Level Up your communication with this free guide.

3. Learn to Assert Yourself. Assertiveness is also a set of skills. Are you wondering in amazement why your kids listen to your spouse but not you, or why you you feel like a Ferrari -- zero to 100 in ten seconds? Yep. Someone didn't install assertiveness skills. Me neither. I learned the hard way, which was embarrassing. I created a simple program to teach you what I didn't know. Check out the Boundaries Bootcamp.

4. Learn Conflict Resolution Skills. Once you've nailed the others down (check you out, you are rolling!) it's time for conflict resolution. Now that you are not responding to random stuff from your past (trauma), you've learned to communicate and understand assertiveness, let's pull it all together (again, rolling!). You will be able to understand someone else's point of view while staying balanced yourself, be logical and have emotional regulation. You can be logical and solve problems with the other person.

If it sounds like a tall order, well, again -- you've come to the right place! After working with a bazillion clients, I have this down to a science. Hit me up below and I'll tell you more.

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I love questions and comments. I answer everything myself (my cats lay around like it's a resort or something). My email address is tara@conquerconflict.com